Our homage to people and things that we concider to "rule" Everything here gets a big thumbs up as far as we're concerned.

Holland for putting those cheating Argentinian bastards out of the World Cup

Jerry Springer for telling blokes that their girlfriends were actually fellas. Nice one Jerry!

Burping. It's great! You just open your mouth, release the old stomach tommy gun and everyone thinks you're great. Nice one burping!

Beer for allowing us to get drunk and say things to women you wouldn't normally say to them and vice-versa, and for providing a perfectly good excuse for getting off with the ugly bird who stank of B.O.

Oxygen for keeping us alive

Bicycles for getting us places we need to get to a bit quicker than if we were just walking. Nice one!

Earlobes for just kinda hanging on the end of your ears and not getting in the way.

Maxim of The Prodigy who's job is to shout stuff like "YAH" and "WAHHH" and look scary.

Fingers for allowing us to pick up coins and stuff off hard surfices. Also useful for scratching things and insulting people.

Michael Owen for being probably the best player in the World Cup, only to have everything ruined by D*v*d B*ckh*m.

Fantasy Football blokes, Baddiel and Skinner for cheering us all up after losing to the Argies. Cheers lads.

Kneecaps for averting the attentions of vengeful gang killers away from other, more life threatening areas of the body. Thanks kneecaps.

Monkeys, the ones with red arse's that openly masturbate in front of you when you're at Chester zoo with your grandparents. Thanks boys!!!

Mates who let you sleep on their floors because you're too bladdered to walk the required 2 miles in order to get home.

Ash, for throwing up repeatedly at the end of their first album. Ace!!!

Southpark for being very amusing.

People who make you food when you go round to their houses, thus saving you the trouble of shopping or cooking yourself.

Clean clothes for making you feel better. Must try it more often.

The bloke who invented planes for allowing you to fly to other countries where the beer is a lot cheeper.

Father Jack fron the Father Ted programme for shouting "FECK ARSE GURLS DRINK" a lot.

Johnny Vaughn for making The Big Breakfast funny again

Alan Green off 5-Live for being honest and slagging off football matches if they're crap.